A part of me

When i was young, i always thought that i would end up in a big house, with a lovely wife that i would make happy every single day, a beautiful dog and my 2 childs.

I always thought that my dreams would become true, that i would face many problems but that they would never stop me.

I tought that i would be happy, successful, at least that's what i wanted, i wanted to be recognized, i wanted the people who were looking down on me to look up to me in the end, i wanted to show those same people that they were wrong, that i could succeed, that i could make my life the way i wanted her to be.

I was wrong... Today, i failed, i failed my studies, i'm still single, i've been rejected many times, i'm not really ashamed by that, i mean, why whould i? At least i tried right? I don't have particular regrets today. I didn't give up, i kept trying but in the end, the result was the same....

But, it's not a bad thing, the fact that i failed, just kept me strong. Someone who will know only the success will have a hard time dealing with failure once she got there. But as for me, i constantly fight with failure. I didn't fulfill my dreams, i had many but all of them failed, at least for now. There are some that i must forget but there are some who are still here in my head and in my heart.

I know that the society today is a place full of fear, distress, anger, deception, regrets. I know that some days are hard, others will make you smile and feel alive.

Yes i failed, and i assume my failures, but that doesn't mean i should just stay here and cry over myself, i would never do that. There is no one except me who can tell me to stop believing, no one can tell me to stop trying. I'm 22 years old now, maybe i will die soon, maybe i will have a long life, nobody knows that. Not me, not you, not the farmer 20 000 miles away from here, not the politician looking at the votes. This world is full of difficulties but that doesn't mean we should give up. Like i said, someday i will end up dying, like my mother, my brother, my grandfather, my friends, we will all die, some are already in the other world, some are still here.

So why should i give up? why should i stop trying to do what i want, to do what i love? Because in the end, someday, i will not be here anymore, someday time will change, years will goes by, people will change and no one will even remember me. After all, only few are remembered, only few will never be forgotten.

I want to keep trying and i will, even if i failed in the end, i will continue to grow, learn and try, try, try, try over and over until i succed or until i die because if i stop here, my life will be meaningless, my life will be poor, my life will be ..... a normal one, i don't want that...

I don't want to sit on my chair waiting for the days to end and start again, i don't want to see people i once known being happy with everything they need while i'm watching from the side...

For the longest time, i wanted to be a football player, playing professionnal, being recognized but maybe i wasn't good enough or maybe i didn't try hard enough. That's why i don't want my dream today to become impossible again.

These last years, i've tried to become a journalist, yes that's right, a journalist, but not you're everyday journalist who will travel in the entire world to bring you news of disaster, or news of royalty, or even talking to you about Beckham new brand, i don't give a fuck about that.

No, i want to become a Sports Journalist, one who will talk to you about football, basketball, but more than this, about Esports.

Because the world change, our hobbys, our jobs change as well. Since many years now, the world of Esports has constantly grown, from thousands of fans to millions, from your little hangar to a big stadium playing before thousands of people. Esports is now a huge world where it's difficult to make your place like in every other job. People are trying everyday to be a part of Esports, from players to staff, to journalist or even translator, it has become difficult to be a part of this world as well... But i don't want to give up yet, i still think that someday i will find a chance, and i think that someday i will finally found the happiness i'm seeking.

That's why, from now on and until i decide otherwise, i will try to become a part of this industry, because i can't just look from apart and be jealous in my own room right? I will try, harder and harder every day, and maybe one day, i will have what i wanted.

This is for this reason that from today onwards, i will write about Esports. My name is Kevin Fischweiler and i'm an Independant Esports Writer.